Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
