So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
