he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
