I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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