I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
