Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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