what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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