you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
