As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
