She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
