Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
