I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
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i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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