I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize