i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
