I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
