If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
