well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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