We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
In America we eat man semen.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
