I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
