shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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