weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
