Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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