A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
