I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
