she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
