Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
