You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
