OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
