I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
