Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize