Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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