Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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