My nipple is on Facebook.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
