onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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