I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
