Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
