It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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