So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
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