I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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