my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
