I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
