i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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