he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
