I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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