cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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