she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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