I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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