Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Randomize
