Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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