The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
