Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
