ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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