three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The Olympian is in my bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
