john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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