I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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