Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
