You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
