It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
