we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
