Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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