Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
