sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
