So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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