Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
