I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
